Friday, February 27, 2009

What to say

A women I work with and chat with everyday is going through a rough time(I consider her my friend). Her husband is dying and the time is close. He needed a liver but his body couldn't wait as long as the transplant list was asking him too. She was at work yesterday and when she told me how bad he was, she fell apart. After I left her I of course went on to tell other people in our group. She is the type of person who doesn't want bother other people. Of course she is not bothering us with this at all. I got a call from my BF to tell me that she got the call early this morning. The "get the kids and come to the hospital" call. The doctors are keeping him comfortable on morphine. We are a lost on what to do. What do you do? I have this urge to knit her a shawl or something to give her a "hug" and remind her that there are people out there who care about her. She is close to my age with 3 young boys.

You never know what will happen tomorrow people, remember that


Karen said...

That is so heart-breaking. What can you do? is an excellent question. I wish I had an answer.

Jill said...

Wow, that is terrible. My heart goes out to your friend and her boys.

Suggestions? Seriously--she's gonna need dinners and stuff. With little ones, you've still got to do all the stuff you usually would, but I'm sure she's not going to want to be cooking and all of that. Maybe make up a couple dishes and freeze them for her so when the time comes you can bring them over? Or an offer to go and do the groceries for her or something?

And of course, a shawl or something special like that is always a great idea, too.

I'll be thinking of her and her hubby.

Aunty said...

Sometimes the best thing you can do in such a sad situation is just listen; let her talk about him, vent her feelings, cry, yell, whatever she needs to do. If you know her well enough or know her children, offer to take them for a day or half a day. At some point coming up she will appreciate having the private time.

By all means, knit her a shawl if that's what you feel you want to do, or cook a meal for her or run errands as Jill suggested, if you want to DO something. Being supportive means just being there and listening. So simple and really so comforting. Think of what you would want a friend to do if you were in her shoes - God forbid!


Anonymous said...

One of the greatest things my friends did when my husband was dying was they organized as a group and cleaned my house. When you spend your energy on doing what has to be done for family and work the dishes and the bathroom come last. Also, my mother did a load of laundry for me every week. Don't ask what can I do? because it is hard to think of ideas. Come up with an idea or two, like grocery shopping or taking the kids for a few hours and ask if you can do those specific things. That way you are offering what you can do and she can say yes or no to a specific idea.

JenInProgress said...

That's so sad and unfair.

My first reaction was to knit a prayer/friendship shawl for her. It's a tangible way for her to feel your love and support. And Jill's suggestions about food and other domestic details is spot on.

Sometimes there's nothing that can be said. All you can do is be there to listen, or to just be with her.

My thoughts are with you and your friend.